I am....

good question. Who am I? Some days I don't even know. I carry so many titles, in my work I am an Assistant Store Manager at a shop that I love. At home I am a mother, a housekeeper (not a particularly good one, but i'll get there right?), I am the provider, the nurturer, the host. I am also a daughter, a sister, an aunty (a title to which I love). Some things I love in life is fashion (typical I know), music and baking among others. All of which I would like more of in my life. I am Christian.

I am also a friend, some days a very good one, others not so much. I asked a few friends to describe me...not an easy task. I was pleasantly surprised with what they came up with. A few words that were used was passionate, honest, fun and outgoing, easy going, a little self involved at times (let's face it, who isn't?), generous, strong and tough (apparently in a non-butch way), confident, beautiful and an amazing mother. They used some other lovely describing words, as you can see I have some very kind friends.

I have played many roles over the years, I have been an athlete, I have been a drama geek, I have been a musician, a dancer, a student, I have been a girlfriend. Many of these roles have faded or passed as the years have gone on but some still live a little inside of me. 

I am a single mother. I take my role as a mother very seriously, I work hard to provide for my son and I love him to pieces. The single part isn't as easy. I don't really date, in fact I haven't been on first date in three years. It's not that I haven't been asked, it's just that I prefer it that way...for now. To be honest a don't know too many single mothers my age, but those that I do I truly love and admire. It isn't an easy role to carry all alone. But for now it's just my son and I, and i'm ok with that.

I guess I am still trying to find myself, maybe I feel lost or maybe more directed. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am only twenty, I don't think I'm expected to have it all worked out by now. If you would have asked me four years ago what I would be doing now, I most likely would have said i'd be travelling Europe or South America. I definitely would not have guessed that I would be where I am today.

Falling pregnant young really threw me off. I had to grow up; fast. Some days I really feel as though life is passing me by, that I am missing out on so many opportunities and exciting times because of my responsibilities that fall solely and directly on my shoulders. I really miss a lot of my friends and have lost a few because my life has had to change so dramatically. That part I don't like. 

But if I am out or at work I really miss my little man. It's true when they say if you blink you could miss it. I miss him, I love him, he depends and relies on me for that source of love, nurture and for now everything else and I love being the one he depends on.

I guess it's all about balance, whatever that is. Right now I feel my most important title is Mother. I am still trying to work on that balance because I know there is more to me than just one title. I guess this is me trying to figure out who I am, what I am, my role on this earth. I don't know how long it will take me to find out what it is, but I am willing to try. So if you would like to join me on this journey, please feel free. I don't really know what I want this blog to be, but let's be patient and see. Who know's it could be something great or it could just be something that fades into the background like half the other blogs around. I guess I would just like to share my thoughts with you, whoever 'you' are...